It's the hardest thing in the world ...........

.....to be apart from someone you love. I am paraphrasing a dialog from a movie I watched today. Beethoven 2 to be exact. What do you think off when you hear such a phrase being uttered? It is rather obvious isnt it? Long distance relationships.

I have met a lot of people who do not believe in long distanced relationships. I myself was one of those people. Back when I was still a teenager. 17, and thought I knew everything there was to know about the world. I am 22 now, and sometimes things do change. Irony is what happens when you think you know what you want and how your life will turn out. When I turned 18, I fell in love and it changed my life, my views and myself.

For 4 years I sustained a relationship across oceans and time zones. It is always hard at first, emotionally and physically to get used to not having the one you love beside you. But after a year, you get used to the lack of physicality in the relationship. You're contented with emails and phone calls and letters. In fact, my first year, had really minimal phone calls. I think there was just 2 phone calls. The entire relationship was held together through the internet. ICQ, MSN, HOTMAIL. After that, the later years were easier, but it resulted in skyhigh phonebills and expensive plane tickets on both side. But there is really no describing the feeling of happiness whenever you get a chance to meet up.

As the years get by, more and more people started telling me and asking me the same thing. "How do you do it?". I told most of them that the most important thing was "trust". And yes, i do think that is the major ingredient. The need for both parties to believe and trust in each other to remain monogamous. But also, long distance relationships need a lot of effort on both parties. I believe that if two people believe in each other, believe in love, and make the effort, they can pull through. Maybe I dont believe love conquers all but I do believe that it takes two to tango.

At this stage of my life, this period I am going through. I wonder whether all those people who think that long distance relationships dont work out are right. Because, for whatever reason, my own relationship did not survive. But somehow, I never believe that distance was the reason for the breakdown of my relationship. Maybe it did play a part but somehow or other, it doesnt feel like it. To me, distance was a bump in the road, one that can be overcome and not a dead end.

Even today, when people tell me that they do not want to pursue a relationship with someone who could not be physically with them in the same place, I feel a little disappointed, defensive even. Because I've been there. I know that some things are possible and the least people could do is to give it a chance. Give love a chance. Take that risk. And though it did not work for me, im sure it has worked for some people. BUt even so, till today, i do not believe that it was distance that tore me and my ex apart.

Of course, nothing beats being physically together with your loved one. And if given the chance, I would probably NOT want my next relationship to be liked my first one. I wouldnt' want another long distance relationship. Because it is true, the hardest thing in the world is being apart from someone you love. But, what doesnt kill you only makes you stronger. Same goes for love I guess.

What do you think of me?

While watching the episode “Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda” on SATC (that’s Sex and The City for those uninformed) a while ago, I was struck by an interesting point. In that episode, the main character lied to her boyfriend about her having an abortion before because she was afraid of what he might think of her, afraid that he will think less of her, afraid that the perfect picture he has of her will be tarnished. In other words, she was afraid of being judged by him.

Which is interesting. Because that’s what a lot of us are afraid of when facing society, no? Why are we so afraid to be judged? And why do we judge?

And it doesn’t matter if it was a stranger on the street or your best friend. It doesn’t matter if one doesn’t know who you are and you will probably never see him/her again . Neither does it matter the other practically grew up with you. You still wonder what the perception of the other party is. You refrain from saying or acting a certain way because you do not want to smudge the image already formed in the person’s mind.

I think it is because of this fear that explains part of my nature of being such a private person. I chose who I tell my secrets too. I chose who I tell my daily life to. I chose who I share my happiness and sadness with.

Perhaps I’m afraid when I tell you I went out clubbing; you would think I am a party animal. Perhaps I’m afraid if I told you I studied, you would think of me as a nerd. Perhaps I fear you think I’m arrogant and no longer care about home if I told you I started working here. Perhaps I fear you think I am a failure if I told you where I work.

Neverending list. When can we finally be truly ourselves? What does that even mean?